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Location: Midwest, United States

I floss daily, brush after every meal, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries.

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Thursday, May 11, 2006

Do This

I did something this morning that I want you to try. It involves combining two pleasurable things to create a pleasure that is more than the sum of its parts. Now, a hot shower is a pleasure, and a nice piece of chocolate is another pleasure. This morning before I stepped into the shower, I impulsively broke off a piece of dark chocolate and let it melt in my mouth as I melted into my shower. It was an excellent way to start the day.

Just as you are stepping into a hot shower, take a large piece of good chocolate and rest it on your tongue, nestled snugly in the arch of your palate. As you let the hot water rush over your shoulders and cascade onto your head, soaking into your hair, resist the urge to chew the chocolate. Just enjoy the sensation of its dark loveliness melting on your tongue. You can suck, but don’t bite. Soak in the pleasure of the hot water streaming over your whole body, and the chocolate softening, yielding to your tongue, and offering up its creamy sweetness shot through with notes of bitterness. Once the chocolate is almost entirely soft, and once you are thoroughly wet and relaxed, you can begin to chew what’s left of the chocolate as you get down to the business of your shower (which I will leave up to you). You could even make your shower into a triple pleasure, since a shower goes well with other delights, as Lisa and her showerhead know well.

The chocolate I chose this morning was a sizable hunk of Trader Joe’s Pound Plus Bittersweet, a very respectable dark chocolate. With a really good chocolate (say, a bar of Green and Black’s smooth Maya Gold or anything dark and Belgian), a smaller piece might do the trick. But when the goal is pure pleasure, why limit yourself? Fill up that mouth. Enjoy. And remember: chocolate is good for your teeth.


Blogger Dawn said...

Mothers Day is Sunday - right? Perhaps a triple pleasure is in my future...

3:56 PM  
Blogger Feral Mom said...

I'll have to try this. Also, there's nothing better than a beer in the shower. Unless it's a glass of wine in the bath.

6:57 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

You just made me blush!!

And that sounds marvelous; I'll put it at the top of my to-do list.

Happy Mother's Day!

4:26 PM  
Anonymous Andi said...

I've always found eating in the shower or bath slightly thrilling, unfortunately I don't think I could do it without two possibly three people banging on the bathroom door... MOMMMM! What are you dooooing in there?!?

10:14 AM  
Blogger E. said...

I say every mom should take time out and treat herself to a Triple Pleasure this mother's day. Mother's day was originally conceived as a peace holiday, after all, and I can't think of much that would make me feel more peaceful than a nice hot shower, a satisfying piece of chocolate, and a shuddering orgasm.

A glass of wine in the bath sounds just wonderful (though on at the end of an exhausting day it could be downright dangerous. You'd want to have a buddy just to make sure you didn't drown.)

2:10 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

Okay, how about this: Put the chocolate in your mouth, step into the shower, and every so often, reach outside the shower for a fresh raspberry or bite of strawberry, to mingle the rich chocolate with the nectar sweetness of the fruit...mmmm.

2:08 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

Dude! We were commenting on each other's blogs at the exact same time!

2:10 PM  
Blogger E. said...

Orange, regarding the berry addition: I like the way you think. And regarding our simultaneous commenting: whoa!

8:29 PM  
Anonymous sweatpantsmom said...

I'll have to try this. I might even add in a cup of coffee - I'll be in there for hours...

11:51 PM  
Blogger Jade said...

I really want to steal this post and make it my own...without giving you credit! But I won't..instead I'm gonna fill the bath and...

7:30 AM  
Blogger alphabitch said...

This does sound appealing, I have to say, but I brush my teeth in the shower. It is not as sexy, sure, but it always feels subversive to me, somehow. I think it's the part about spitting into the drain. I don't think I've ever told anyone about this before.

11:50 AM  
Blogger E. said...

Wow. I'm honored to be in on the secret. And I approve. (Then again, I approve of anyone brushing their teeth anywhere at any time.) I had a roommate in college who brushed her teeth in the shower. She said it saved water.

I can see the appeal.

2:19 PM  

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