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Location: Midwest, United States

I floss daily, brush after every meal, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries.

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Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Anal Queen

I'm a little bit anal sometimes. This may come as no surprise, given that this blog centers around my obsession with keeping my teeth clean. But I'm not anal in all ways. As I confessed in my first real post , I am very fastidious in some ways and pretty easygoing (or slobby or disturbingly nonchalant or chronically tardy) in others.

One thing I'm anal about is pens. I care a lot about what color ink I'm writing with, the smoothness with which that ink flows from my pen, and the feel of the pen in my hand. I must have black ink, otherwise I feel that I am not really representing me as I write. Unless I am grading or doing other types of teacherly writing, in which case the ink must be green. Black or green, the ink in my pen must flow smoothly, not splotchily, from my pen, which means I have to have a certain brand of pen, and the point of my pen must be fine. (I've never met a medium point pen that wasn't a little sluttish in the distribution of its ink.) I also like a nice bit of cushion at the grip point, though not too much (spare me the pens that look and feel like they're wearing little down muffs). Lately, I've been on a good long run with Pentel RSVP fine point green pens and Pilot EasyTouch fine point black pens.

(I'm pausing to worry that Esereth is reading this thinking "Fucking feta cheese blogging! What is she going on about?")

Anyway, my anality with regard to pens is merely background for a little story that illustrates not how anal I am, but what a thoroughgoing scatterbrain I am.

It's the end of the school year. Stress levels are high. I am running around the building trying to perform three different roles at once, and somehow I have mislaid my pen. I must find my pen. I retrace my steps three times, looking everywhere, but it is nowhere, nowhere. One of my colleagues passes me in the hall and makes the mistake of asking how I am. Not one to forget my petty troubles and give a civil reply, I kvetch. "Aaargh! I lost my pen!" She gives me a look that's 15% sympathy and 85% amusement and walks on. A moment later I hear her call after me: "Hey, you have a pen in your back pocket."

Of course. I am 10% annoyed with myself for wasting my time searching all over Satan's briny backlot for an object that's been communing with my ass all the while and 90% grateful to have found my precious pen.

Which just goes to show: 1. If you bitch loudly enough, someone may come to your rescue and solve your problem for you, and 2. It pays to keep your ass in plain view.


Blogger Esereth said...

Oh heavens no, no. I knew you were building to something.

And you were! Ta-da.

8:42 PM  
Blogger E. said...

Thanks, Esereth. (I love that since you're on the West coast you can actually comment on a Midwestern post before it's been written...)

9:09 PM  
Blogger Dawn said...

I understand about the pens completely.

and sadly, my ass is almost always in view.

5:38 AM  
Blogger DoctorMama said...

Oooh, you are going to get such creepy google hits on account of the title of this post!

I'm much, much more stupid and ineffectual when I don't have the right pen.

6:16 AM  
Blogger Feral Mom said...

Somehow I've become a pencil-person. And it must be Ticonderoga #2. I used to be a pen person. And a red salsa person, whereas now I'm a green salsa person. What happened? (This is a feta-cheese comment if I ever read one.)

12:53 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

I used to be particular about my pens. Had to be fine point, ballpoints = icky, black superior to blue, red crucial for certain applications. Lately, though? Here are the pens currently getting use on my desk: Caribe Royale Bic, Walt Disney Resorts Bic, New York Times brushed metal ballpoint, and a slew of blue and black Erasermate ballpoints (good for crosswords...though they do leave the edge of my pinky all ink-smeared).

On the fridge for grocery list jottings, there's a beautiful medium-blue gel pen. I got it from a banker, who happened to have it at her desk but had no allegiance to it and said I could take it. I should hunt around and see if I can buy a box of them. Such a pretty shade of blue...

I don't like feta. This is Romano cheese commenting.

2:34 PM  
Blogger E. said...

Comments of all cheese varieties are welcome.

I actually googled "anal queen" just out of curiosity, after reading DoctorMama's observation. There's actually an adult film called "Anal Queen," and an adult film star who has been dubbed the "anal queen." My research was not extensive enough to find out if the latter star is in the former film.

Me, I'm a different kind of anal queen. (At least as far as you know.)

3:11 PM  
Blogger landismom said...

Hi, just surfed over to say thanks for commenting on my blog (and for the vote). I'll also say, I join you in your pen obsession. I can always spend an hour or two in the pen section of Staples, happily fondling pens.

2:23 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Yeah, that title's a little much. I just makes me want to comment raunchily; something about how lucky your husband is, etc, but then I find myself feeling uncomfortable. Oddly, this is a good thing. I think I let myself be a little too free sometimes.

Wow. Don't you love when someone leaves a comment that is entirely about them, and not your post??? Sorry.

Great post. I better be careful, or I'm going to switch from English to English Teaching get to correct papers...oooo!! I bet I'm old enough to find all high school aged boys comfortably unattractive, too.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Orange said...

Alas, the Zebra Antique Hyperjell pen is no longer available. So I ordered the next best thing: a package of 10 Zebra gel pens in assorted colors, including a medium blue one. (I think I'll give the lime green and fuchsia pens to my kid.) Now, the Office Depot box arrived a couple days ago, but I haven't opened it yet. I'm afraid I'll be sharply disappointed by the shade of blue.

1:52 PM  
Blogger Military Loans said...

ohh pen please don't get me wrong!give me a fine writings

anal hygiene

10:48 AM  

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