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Location: Midwest, United States

I floss daily, brush after every meal, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries.

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Monday, December 17, 2007

Poop Explosion!

Ah, poop. I've been away from this blog for over two weeks. Despite the fact that many posts have come to my mind, crying I'm a classic! I'm timely and/or hilarious and/or poignant!, I have not written them. Despite the fact that an Angel of God has visted me in a vision and called to me in a sweet, Irish-accented voice, saying "Oral Queen, ye need te post te yer blog. God wants ye te post te yer blog," still I have not posted. So what brings me here, finally, to post? Poop.

My baby is beautiful. My baby is cute. My baby smiles heartwarmingly. My baby coos and gurgles. My baby shits all over herself and her clothes at least once a day. We can send a man to the moon and a robot to Mars, but apparently we cannot make a disposable diaper that actually contains baby shit, preventing it from leaking all the hell over the place.

When O. was an infant, we used cloth diapers, and they were a pain in the ass. But we felt that we were doing good, keeping some diapers out of the landfill and supporting a local diaper service. But of course we were also, via that diaper service, using lots and lots of water, power to heat that water, and harsh chemicals to keep those diapers sterile and pure white. This time around, we opted for disposables, and we felt pretty damned wise in our choice.

Disposables are easier than cloth diapers in many ways. It's much quicker just to slap on a Huggie than to fold a cloth diaper just so and then wrangle the cover. And whenever O. pooped, we usually ended up having to wash the cover by hand, so we were always touching his runny mustard-yellow poop, and always had a rack of diaper covers drying in the sunroom. But at least the cloth diapers contained that runny poop, more or less, and when they didn't totally absorb it, the covers picked up the slack. With Roo's Huggies (and we've tried the other brands, as well, believe me), it's her clothes that pick up the slack. Disposables absorb almost unlimited amounts of newborn pee, but newborn poop is too thick for them to absorb and too runny to just stay put. So now instead of wet diaper covers, we have shit stained baby clothes hanging wet all over the place. I've gone through a whole bottle of gentle, eco-friendly stain remover already since Ruby was born. And that stuff only works so well.

So why can't they make a disposable diaper that keeps the poop inside? Or why don't they make baby clothes that are, say, quilted and mustard yellow? That would be perfect. An absorbant, mustard yellow wardrobe might be the answer.

If anyone has any other answers, talk to me. Otherwise, I'm just waiting 'til my baby's poop starts getting a little firmer, hoping the diapers will keep it in its place then.

Poop, poop, poop.


Blogger Orange said...

Is it feasible to layer a cover on top of a disposable diaper?

If not, God wants ye te duct-tape the bairn's diaper to her lower back.

6:37 AM  
Anonymous MountainMama said...

Just be glad that newborn cottage cheesy curry colored shit don't smell...yet!

7:41 PM  
Anonymous Auntie EmB said...

No angel of God here, just your GodMum.
Maybe you should take a page from the Chinese practice - our Mei Li was in split pants when Kendra picked her pooey self up at the orphanage. Let her rip and then mop it up.
If you need any more stupid advice, just ask.
love you and yours
Auntie EmB

8:33 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Heheeeeeheee to your Auntie emb!

Um...I was going to suggest what Orange suggested; will be interested to see if you tried it and/or how it worked.

I was going to also mention that I found Huggies utterly leaky when I the boys and that I found Pampers to work much better, but alas, it seems you, my lass, have already searched far and wide and found no diaper that is poop-proof.

Merry Christmas to the most beautiful, Rockin-est family of all times!

10:03 PM  
Blogger E. said...

Orange (and Lisa) - the cover over the disposable is a good idea, though now that you mention that, I'm remembering one thing I didn't like about cloth diapers was that they give the baby a big bulge in the middle. Doubling up would definitely mean a big baby bubble butt. (Say that ten times fast!)

Auntie EmB, I think China's on the right track, but since there's no cultural acceptance in the US of A for holding your baby over the bushes to do her business, it's not much of an option here.

mountainmama, I'm not looking forward to the smell, but at least by that point the poop will get firmer and (hopefully) stay in her pants!

2:55 PM  
Anonymous honest company said...

I have found that no other diapers provide the quality of leak control and absortion that pampers do. I wouldn't trade brands for anything.

12:23 AM  

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