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Location: Midwest, United States

I floss daily, brush after every meal, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries.

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Friday, February 24, 2006

Fart or Butt Burp?

My little son O. farts, like the rest of us, and as anyone with kids knows the small folks’ farts can be almost as deadly as our own. Yesterday he let out a loud one and when I laughed (of course – what a role model) and asked if he farted he said “No, my butt burped.” I was beside myself. Later I told my husband about it and we both laughed. Then, last night, we were all in O’s room getting him ready for bed and suddenly the air was full of the evil stench of an ass-bomb. “Is that you?” my beloved partner asked me, face screwed up in disgust. “Not me,” I said. We turned to O. “Did your butt burp?” I asked. “No,” he said, “I farted.”

Then I saw the brilliant distinction our young prodigy had arrived at. It’s always been my contention that loud farts are innocent, while the silent ones are invariably noxious (hence the term “silent but deadly”). Really, we should have come up with two distinct terms by this point in the evolution of the English language. The loud, friendly fart is more of a “butt burp,” as O. terms it, while the quiet, burn-your-anus-hairs kind is worthy of the term fart. Or maybe worthy of a term that better reflects its insidious nature.

Any ideas? (And does anyone know of another language that provides diverse vocabulary to describe different kinds of farts, varied as Inuit snow?)


Blogger Nicole said...

My daughter always smiles sheepishly & says 'I tooted' Toot? Toot works I's a little more refined for the little girl that she is :)

What is it about noxious fumes that make us laugh?

5:07 PM  
Blogger martie said...

When my now grown son was about 3 he had been playing outside and didn't like to take the time to come in to use the toilet. When he finally did come in and was walking toward the bathroom, I noticed a rather large lump protruding in the back of his pants. Like a "dumb mom" I asked a dumb question..."Did you poop in your pants?" His response...."no, I just tooted big!"

Children have a funny way of putting things, don't they? One of my granddaughters always said she "fluffed" instead of the word fart or toot...after all, she is a lady!

BTW, found my way here through Naive's blog....glad I stopped by!

8:11 PM  
Blogger naive-no-more said...

If you visit my blog, look for a post titled "Farts are Funny at Fifteen Months". I believe I had a few different nicks for farts.

Funny post. First time visitors might be a little confused by the title of your blog and the ensuing fart story though. ;)

8:57 PM  
Blogger E. said...

I like "toot." "Fluff" is a new one on me. My dad used to call the loud ones "spider barks." I will have to check out your "farts are funny" post, Naive.

I don't know why I find scatalogical humor so amusing. Having a toddler makes that more true, though. O. is in his first week of wearing big-boy underpants (and doing very well), and we've been trying to get him interested for awhile, so around our house we're especially excited about "issues of poop and pee." I never used the words "poop" and "pee" before I had a kid, but now they trip off my tongue so easily.

I should probably add some sort of disclaimer to the top of my sidebar so I won't be accused of false advertising, given all the scat stories supplementing the oral hygiene stuff on this blog. Then again, oral hygiene is only one of my many passions...

1:06 PM  
Blogger Orange said...

Oddly enough, I have nothing to add. However, I applaud your usage of "burn-your-anus-hairs" as an adjective.

8:04 PM  
Blogger naive-no-more said...

LOL! You never said poop or pee before you had kids? Did you ever sniff anyone's ass to see if they pooped or peed before you had kids?

Me either!!!

7:36 AM  
Blogger Feral Mom said...

The Feral and farts are sort of like the Eskimo and snow--we have over 200 words for farts, depending on the loudness, pre-or-post turd, the color, the time of day, the degree of heat upon exiting the anus, the length of time it lingers in the air around, etc. However, "butt burp" is a new one. We'll have to look into it. For the deadliest of the SBDs, we call it like we smell it--which is like the (potentially most diseased) of meats. Who beefed?

1:14 PM  
Blogger E. said...

Ah, yes. "Beefed." So apt, so vivid, a word as ripe as the fart that inspires it. That's feral poetry.

1:44 PM  
Blogger clew said...

I used to work with a guy who'd let out these very musical farts, adn then he'd look around and say, "Did you see that duck?"


Just had to share since we're on the subject ...

10:04 AM  
Blogger mellanman said...

Sometimes you just have to let the butt gremlins free and innocently ask if anyone else saw the elephant that just traipsed through the room.

1:35 PM  

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