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Location: Midwest, United States

I floss daily, brush after every meal, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries.

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Friday, March 14, 2008

Bring on the Fairies

I remember this. This I-have-an-infant-and-thus-I-have-no-time time. I’ve been known at various points in my life to say “I’m so busy” or “I just don’t have enough time.” But when I have a needy little sweetie constantly demanding my attention – either by crying, pooping, or just being so damned cute and lovable I can’t stay away – the words “I have no time” take on new meaning. And the busyness of the mom o’ baby is so much more overwhelming when there’s an older sibling in the picture. At least when O. was a baby, I got something done while he was sleeping. Now while Roo is sleeping, I’m playing Chutes and Ladders with O. or reading him a book. And I do so gladly. But it seems like there’s just no time to do all the things I need to do, much less any of the things I just want to do.

So I want some help. And for some reason, I find myself wishing for help of the variety no other person could really give. Sure, it would be nice to have someone come and clean my whole house for me. But that costs money. And it also involves getting my whole family out of the house at a preordained time for a couple hours or more, which is merely another thing for me to plan, organize, and make happen.

No, the tasks I’d love to foist off on some imagined helper are too idiosyncratic, intimate, and constant to foist off on an actual paid human helper. So I’ve decided I need a fairy or two to assist with those little tasks that never seem to get done, or else must get done but seem never-ending. I’m looking for at least two types of fairies.

One, I need a pump fairy. This fairy would flit in as soon as I’m done pumping breast milk, whisking my breast pump kit off to be cleaned and sterilized. Whether at school or at home, it seems like I’m constantly washing my pump kit, boiling or steaming my pump kit, drying it, or reassembling it. If I could just have some little winged helper to deal with that, I feel like I’d have about two extra hours of time a day.

I’d also love a laundry fairy. I don’t even need him or her to actually do the washer/dryer part of the laundry. My Old Man and I are usually able to stay on top of that, more or less. The thing we can’t seem to manage is putting the clean laundry away once it’s washed and dry. It sits in the basket until it’s time to do more laundry (which, granted, comes around pretty fast these days of muddy knees and poop explosions ), and then and only then do we finally put it away. Actually, that’s not even the worst-case scenario. There are times, heaven help us, when we take the lovely clean laundry out and just stack it somewhere in order to free up the basket. See? We need that fairy.

So if you know any good fairies who are looking for part-time work, tell them to flit on over.

And before you go, tell me: what kind of fairy would you like to have around your home or job?


Blogger Orange said...

I want a phone call fairy to make appointments for me.

And an errand fairy for things like taking sweaters to the dry cleaner and getting the car washed.

Hey! You don't need to take the family anywhere at all if someone comes to clean! I have usually been home when they're here, and before Ben was in school, he was always here, too. You just stay out of the bathroom for a half hour, and clear out of the living room when it's time to vacuum or clean the floors in there.

Yegods, pumping. The horror, the horror, the small parts in need of cleaning several times a day.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I already have a fairy...she's called my assistant and you can't have her! Sorry..she's worth her weight in gold..and at CURRENT PRICES. lol
I like your blog btw.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Rayne of Terror said...

I'd like a hair and makeup fairy and a night-time face washing fairy. I'm the only woman in my building who doesn't do full hair and make-up on a daily basis. I'd just like a blow dry and eyeliner and mascara fairy. (I'm also the only one who drives across half the damn state to get to work everyday too.) Cause, OMG I'd love to come over and be your fairy for a little while, but that would mean I'd have to get in the car.

11:19 AM  
Anonymous mountainmama said...

I'd have to say that we need the laundry fairy too. Actually, tonight would be a great place to start. I have to admit that I have weeks where I pull my clothes off the pile on the extra bed, but last week I sunk to a new low. I was pulling clothes out of the dryer as needed. Like running out naked into the garage (which is freezing) just for a pair of panties.
That's crazy lazy!!!
Bring on the fairy!

7:51 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Laundry and dishes fairies ought to come standard with any baby for the first year...or...two? Yeah, two. Maybe more.

The fairy I would wish for right now would be a fairy that could fly me back and forth from maine on a nightly basis...siiiiigh...

3:59 PM  
Blogger Feral Mom said...

I am your fairy, you Irish bitch. See you in April!

2:13 AM  
Blogger Mrs. T said...

Aside from a laundry and dishes fairy, I'd really like a cat barf/poop fairy.Maybe a clean sheets fairy. Definitely a sort through my crap fairy.

9:00 AM  

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