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Location: Midwest, United States

I floss daily, brush after every meal, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries.

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A Few Quick Questions for the Universe

1. Why, despite the fact that 95% of my pants/shorts/skirts are black, dark grey, brown, or dark red, do I always seem to get my period on a day that I'm wearing off-white capris or powder-blue cords?

2. How is it that in the afternoon I can have a tender moment of appreciating the fact that my bonny almost two-year-old daughter still nurses, then in the darkest hours of that same night she can appear to me to be a little blood-sucking parasite because she still nurses?

3. Why is it that my six-year-old son can remember everything he learned about the life-cycle of a bee last year in kindergarten, but still can't remember to wash his hands after he pees despite being told seventeen times every single day for the past three years?

4. When are they going to perfect teleporting technology so that I can spend more time with my loved ones who live way too far away?

5. How can it be that I love teaching so much that I'm always going on about how much I love teaching, yet I love not teaching so much more that I always get a little heartsick at the end of August?

6. Will my desk ever remain clean for more than two days?


Blogger Orange said...

1. It's the universe's way of saying, "Hey, maybe you should keep track of your cycle and start sporting pantyliners 'round that time." (Has anyone ever actually done that? I suspect not.)

2. It probably represents a psychotic break. See your doctor.

3. Because hygiene is boring and he doesn't give a crap. My kid sometimes forgets to flush. How can one forget?!?

4. For reals.

5. It's nature's way of making sure you won't be too sad when you eventually retire from teaching.

6. Sadly, no.

7:43 AM  
Blogger DoctorMama said...

1. Reminds me of junior high, when half the girls had jackets tied around their waists. It's a known fact that light colors create a gravitional pull on the uterus.
2. Because at night she claws at them to fish them out of where they're peacefully hiding.
3. What was the question again?
4. Facebook is the interim teleporter until they get it right, I think.
5. Happiness is often simply the absence of pain. For me anyway.
6. First you must BECOME the desk. Then you must ask yourself, Do I want to be clean?

8:35 AM  

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