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I floss daily, brush after every meal, and trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries.

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Thursday, July 07, 2011

Creeping Out with the Kardashians

Please, Kim Kardashian, please go away.

I know I'm not alone in wishing that Kim K. would go back into relative obscurity and take her whole heavily-made-up, blinged out, attention craving family with her. But I have a special reason that intensifies my desire to see Kim Kardashian's star wane.

I was Kim Kardashian's teacher.

It's true. At my very first teaching job at Our Lady of Perpetual Privilege in Los Angeles, I taught Kim seventh grade English. I also taught her now-famous sister Kourtney eighth-grade English. And there's something really unsettling about having my former students become so famous. And for so little.

I think it would help if Kim were talented in some way. I'm not a fan of Christina Aguillera, but if I she were my former student, I think I could stomach her fame. She obviously has an amazing voice and knows how to use it. And she can dance. She has earned the spotlight. I'm still not sure why Kim became famous in the first place. And it's my understanding that Kourtney is famous because she's Kim's sister, so... It's all very confusing to me.

In some ways, Kourtney's fame bums me out even more than Kim's. Kim, as a seventh grader, was snotty, perpetually bored, and not especially bright. Kourtney was actually a sweetheart. She was smart and engaged in school. She was a normal, likable kid. (Kim was a pretty normal kid, too. Just not likable.) I'm not sure what I would have imagined Kim doing as an adult, but I wouldn't have guessed it would be anything especially impressive or important. Kourtney, on the other hand, could have done something meaningful with her life.

Actually, from the little I've seen of Kim on the four minutes or so I've caught of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, she's gotten a lot nicer since she was in seventh grade. So that's good to see. Either she outgrew her snotty, aggressively blasé attitude or she figured out that snottiness is unattractive and learned how to hide it, at least while the cameras are rolling (which, when you're a reality TV star is more or less always, I guess).

It seems to me that Kim Kardashian's moment in the sun has been a long, long, long one. When she first started getting television and magazine attention, I was icked out, but I figured it couldn't last long. But she just keeps getting more and more famous, it seems. I can't go to the gym without seeing her face staring out at me from at least two magazines on the rack near the door. Needless to say, the check-out line at any grocery or drug store is even more Kardashian-rich. Just yesterday, I was enjoying Tina Fey's hilarious and smart new book, Bossypants, and Fey made a reference to KK. That was perhaps the last straw for me. As Dr. Seuss might say, Kim K. Kardashian, will you PLEASE GO NOW?

It's bound to end some time, the media reign of the Kardashian clan. I'm sure at one time some former teacher of Paris Hilton winced daily at the sight of her former pupil's media antics (Paris Hilton must've gone to school at some point, right?) and wished Paris would just go the hell away. And it happened, more or less. I just hope it happens to my former student soon. I wish her the best, really. But I want her career (if you can call it that) to chill out just enough that I don't have to look at her famous ass on a weekly basis.

'Til such time, if you have any idea where one might be able to sell the school portrait of a really famous, not very talented Armenian bombshell, drop me an email at Thx!


Blogger DoctorMama said...

Hey, maybe, just maybe, you rubbed off on Kim, and that's why she's less snotty! I think you should take the credit.

7:49 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I love that you know first-hand that she is as uninteresting as she appears to be. I am always bummed out by these famous-for-WHAT-reason?? stars. As pleased as I am that we don't hear about Ms. Hilton anymore, I wish such people as the Kardashians, and Snookie and Lauren somebody or other would just live their lives without my having to know anything about them...

Rant over. What's going to be a really proud moment for you is when one of your students becomes a best-selling author... Yes, "when", not "if". :)

12:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, one thing she seems to be very, very good at is promoting herself. How else can you explain her being famous and so lacking in talent? Imagine the thought process that goes into deciding to have your rear end x-rayed to show that it is not artificially enhanced. That move really shows how far she is willing to go to stay in the limelight - amazing.

8:03 AM  
Blogger E. said...

DM, thanks. Sure, I'll take the credit.

Lisa, I also believe that I will someday have a student who's famous for something real. I have taught so many wonderful writers. They just need some time and experience, and before long there will be a book out. (Actually I recently received the first novel of a former Creative Writing student, with very gracious thanks to me in the acknowledgements. He's not famous, yet, but I'm really proud of the huge accomplishment he's already achieved.)

LS, someone just told me that thing about the butt x-ray. Holy Christ. It's really, really sad.

8:25 AM  
Blogger E. said...

(Oops. I meant "LD." Sorry LD!)

8:26 AM  
Blogger Jerome Haward said...

Well! I was the boyfriend of Kim when we were 17 years old, we were partners at High School, she lost her virginity with me at 15 years old, but when My father lost his business in viagra online and we lost a lot of money, Kim decided finished the relationship .I still love her !

12:13 PM  

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